Wednesday, April 27, 2011

my secretly not a blog post

I don't post thought-posts as often as my friends do.  I'm not sure whether that's because I feel like the thoughts have been snatched out of life-context and have denatured, like proteins do when put under chemical examination (which, linguistically, blog posts can be considered) or because I am terrible at writing thought-posts without strange metaphors and incredibly convoluted syntax (this sentence for example) that make them protein-like in form as well. 

A recent docking lab
(a recent ligand docking lab of mine- highlighted are natural cavities)

See, I usually resign myself, after first paragraphs like those, to poetry.  You can use giant, all-encompassing metaphors there, you can ramble on within the turn of a phrase.  Poems could say what I just did neatly, and can bend back on themselves or just sit prettily and wait for you to go OMIGOSH YOU ACTUALLY MEANT THIS WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE NOW. 

And I am way better (I think) at hiding metaphorical sulphur atoms in alpha helices than I am at stretching them all out into a line and saying- this is the amino acid code for what I want to say.  Plus, poems (and models of proteins) are prettier. 

chainchainchain <3
(The amino acids in ubiquitin- my favorite protein)

Did you notice something there?  I began the essay with the idea that proteins represented my prose syntax.  Then they represented poetry.  I'm not allowed to do thos kinds of switcharoos in this medium- another reason I like the less concrete forms of expression.  That being said, sometimes the poet mentality works against me.  Actually, it works against me a lot. 

(That was quite rambly I know- in a poem this would have taken me what, a turn of a phrase?  But here's why I really wrote this blog post.)

In real life, you can't bathe your words in chemicals and they cannot live as complete ideas on their own.  (That was another metaphor switch- with the chemicals thing- excuse me.) There will be context, and the people around you must respond somehow.  And many times, it's not going to be O MY GOSH I SEE WHAT YOU'RE HIDDENLY THINKING THERE YOU MY FRIEND ARE A GENIUS because in most conversations, most people say pieces of amino chain.  They don't exhale whole living wads of it. 
But no matter what, you have say something.  Even if every other time you've explained yourself people have looked at you, said "I dont understand because your ideas are unimportant and you explain them badly and anyway I dont care," and even if you're too emotionally invested in your thoughts and scared of that happening to give them away easily, the people around you will certainly be offended at your closed door.  Plus, the people around you probably DO think protein is pretty. 

(that was a hidden message too- as in, "your friends understand you" because they know how to look at protein, and as in "your friends agree with you" because my idea here has to do with protein, I assert that it is pretty, AND as in "you probably have particularly intellectual friends")

And even thought it's scary and hard, you have to post blogs instead of poems sometimes.  You have to explain yourself, and here's the weirdest poemy part of my logic. 

When someone in a conversation posts a poem of thought that rounds off upon itself and still serves a biological function, don't accidentally let them think you find proteins unmanageable and ugly and a pretty dorky thing to think about anyway.  And don't compliment them for such a majectic performance, which says you can't infer the acid chain and only see loops and dots. 

Tell them:  "That was a whole thought"

I hope you see now why I dont explain myself sometimes.  I just don't know how.  Do you have chemicals quite hot enough to denature this?  Do you see why I stick to poetry? 


-Citron

No comments: